Well I finally got a weekend away from the wife

[TaLoN]

And Ive come to the conclusion that when I got married I stoped having a social life (no offence to yall, im talking non TP).  Saturday sucks with no one to share it with. :sad:

[MaJix]

aww were always here for ya buddy :cookie:
you'll always be welcomed by the other fellow puter nerds :yup:

[TaLoN]

LoL, I really thought for a while that hey , I might make video games but that doesnt make me a nerd, Im a good looking guy, pretty built, I used to have alot of crazy fun b4 marriage, But alas..........Im a nerd.  Im going out cya  :start:  :x:  :x:  :x:

[MONOLITH]

And Ive come to the conclusion that when I got married I stopped having a social life

I'm taking a break from posting for awhile, but I can't resist this one because it's a big part of my life.

And Talon, this is NOT directed at you specifically, but at the concept of marriage in this context, in general.

I look around me at all the relationships I can see, and I see this all the time. And I hate it. Maybe that's why my wife and I are different.

My wife and I share our 'social life', and are happy that way. I'll explain...

When my wife and I met, we were both partying, club hopping maniacs running around Ft. Lauderdale. We worked at the same bar, her a server (she hates the word waitress), and I worked the door and tossed out the drunks.

We were living the "craziness b4 marriage" that Talon mentions. We slept during the day, and closed 4am bars for a year straight.

But the difference is, we fell in love, and we lived the craziness together, and even after we 'settled down', we still looked to be together when it was party time.

We don't believe in 'girls night out' or 'guys night out'. My wife's a great person, a little wild and crazy, and a lot of fun. We have fun hanging out with OUR friends, both male and female. We've been that way since we met. I couldn't imagine one of us leaving the other home, while the other went out to party somewhere. We have too much fun partying together. And quite frankly, I think it's disrespectful to tell your spouse 'you sit at home with the kids on Saturday night, while I go out bar hopping and get crazy'.

So my point is, I guess, is I look at the marriages where the wife has to 'go out with the girls' and leave hubby at home, because that's the only way she can cut loose and have a good time. Or vice versa, the husband can't wait for 'guys night out' so he can sneak off to a strip joint and lie about it the next day. I think there's something gone stale with the relationship there.

My wife has as much fun at a strip joint as I do. For her 30th birthday we took her to a strip club and got her some champagne room lapdances with some hot chicks. She was as turned on as anyone else. (she's a little bi... :wink:  )  She would never go out and party without me, and I wouldn't go without her.

We have both turned down bachelor and bachorette party invites, because we'd rather go as a couple.

I see so many couples around me that have uptight sort of relationships; they pay bills and clean the house together, but they run off to party seperately. I just don't understand that.

When a relationship is new, couples do everything together. As it gets older, they start to seperate and look for that 'craziness b4 marriage' that they don't have together anymore.

I work very hard to keep my marriage the same way it was when we first met, and so far it is, and I feel very lucky for that. It's sort of rare. But I recommend it to anyone. If your wife has to go on girls night out, or you have to run off with the guys and have fun seperately, your missing something in your relationship that maybe you used to have.

Just my opinion of course, but it works for us. We both despise the whole seperation of sexes to have a good time thing.

[Kyobanim]

I agree with Mono.  I've been married 18 years and we've done everything together barring work trips.  Hell, I wouldn't know what to do if I went out without the wife.  But that's just me.

[MaJix]

i agree with mono that it affects people that way... but, i also know several couples that go on "girls/guys night out" and theyre relationship is perfectly fine.... its all really the chemistry of the individuals.  some guys just cant take their girl to the shooting range with their buddies.... yet some guys can

[Zazoo]

If your wife has to go on girls night out, or you have to run off with the guys and have fun seperately, your missing something in your relationship that maybe you used to have.

Just my opinion of course, but it works for us. We both despise the whole seperation of sexes to have a good time thing.

I see what you're getting at, just wanted to add that I think "has" and "have" are key here. My wife and I never HAVE to be apart to have fun, and we do lots of things together, but that doesn't mean we CAN'T have fun while we are apart.

I see nothing wrong with spending time on your own or with someone else because they are your freinds and/or they share similar interests (that your spouse does not).
But in any marriage I would agree that needing to go out on your own or out with others because you can't stand to be around your spouse anymore is a serious problem.

Hiking is  great example. My wife and I started this hobby together years ago. We both really like it, but we also realized early on that we like different types of hikes. She isn't always up for a hike. And she can't do some of the hikes I do that invole lots of scrambling and exposure (she gets vertigo really bad). I love hikes like this though.

So when I plan a hike like this (my last one for example) I plan it either as a solo hike or with a hiking partner. Sometimes my wife stays home, some times she goes out with her freinds, sometimes she rides up with me and does a different hike of her own.
The important thing is I don't do it so I can get away from the "old ball and chain", I do it alone or with other people because it's something I like that my wife doesn't.

My wife COULD make me feel guilty about it, she could pressure me into only doing hikes she likes, she could nag me everytime I plan to go out, but would that really be something you do to someone you love? No.

I COULD nag my wife to go with me, I could tell her to suck it up and learn to like it, but I wouldn't do that to someone I love.

I COULD take it upon myself not to go do something I like, or she COULD take it upon herself to go along even though she'll be miserable, both are compromises but they are unreasonable/unfair compromises. The easiest comromise is to simply spend the day apart. So that's what we do.
We are both adults. We both realize that we CAN live without each other for the day, and... "gasp", still have FUN!  :tongue:
We're married, not joined at the hip. There's no reason I can't do something I like just because I'll have to be away from her for the day. And vice versa.

But that's just my marriage. "Your mileage may vary" as they say. As long as you're both happy and there is trust that's all that matters really!
~Mike

[Phoenix]

Not got a wife yet Party time

[MONOLITH]

Your point is correct Mike. Clearly a woman who hates fish is not going fishing with her husband, And the wife and I couldn't work out together, because our needs/styles/routines would be so drastically different.

But I think each of our posts are focusing on a different aspect of this conversation.

My wife and I do seperate things in regards to hobbies or things like that, like you're talking about. My wife wouldn't have the slightest clue what a F.E.A.R. demo was, and I'm not about to go scrapbooking with her and her sister.

But Talons comment was   "I have no social life since Marriage... Im a good looking guy, pretty built, I used to have alot of crazy fun b4 marriage,", he seems to be talking about an aspect that goes deeper than having different hobby type interests. That's what steered me into the particular subject matter focused on in my post.

I agree with you completely about the seperate interests thing. But Talon's comment while sitting home alone on a Saturday night, talking about his looks, build, and yearning for former 'crazy days', is telling us something more than his wife doesn't share his gaming interests.

Unfortunately, now that we're sitting here beginning to focus on Talon's personal life, he may retract his statement or backpeddle a bit.  :tongue:

Once again, I'm sorry Talon, not really trying to focus on you in particular, but I just needed to compare the implied meaning behind your statement to Mike's rebuttal.

And actually, Phoenix just supplied more evidence for my first post.....

Not got a wife yet Party time

See.... he implies that "have wife = fun's over". That's what I'm talking about in my first post. There's this stereotypical image of a husband and wife that can no longer party or have that 'crazy b4 marriage' social life, simply because they're married. That's the part that bugs me, and it's so common.

[Zazoo]

Yeah Mono, sorry, I wasn't trying to debate with you or anything, I know what you were getting at.
I just kind of started rambling after I posting a reply to you and so it got a bit wordy and off subject.  :tongue:

I wasn't directing all of that at you or Talon, it was more of general statement.
~Mike

[MONOLITH]

Two things.....

Talon, again, sorry to sort of be using you in the conversation. Not really intentional, just working out that way.

Second, this is all just a real sore and personal topic for me.

My first marriage was the 'bad' way. We didn't do anything together, had seperate friends, and we both stopped having a 'social life' after getting married fairly young.

After awhile we ended up cheating on each more than once, and divorcing, because we were both looking for the 'crazy b4 marriage' stuff that was suddenly lacking in our lives.

And I see couples like that around me all the time. So many couples lose the 'relationship excitement' after a couple of years, and they just become the typical husband and wife that are so different from when they first got together. I just think it's sad, for both individuals, and society as a whole.

I am very lucky that my second time around is with a very different type of person, and I have a very different type of marriage than my first.

[Mofoka]

Well here goes my bag of worms,

The wife and I have been together for 8 years since July 4th 1997, and we are now going on our ninth year but we are beginning our first year of marriage. We just recently decided to get married in February on the 13th (Sunday).

I know some of you are wondering "Why Sunday?” well it was cheaper  :smile:. That's what the wife said when I asked and I guess that's why I love her. The truth of the matter is that the marriage part was nothing special to me because I have been there for her as she has been there for me.

The two year test came when I had my work accident and our love would prove itself on the changes I went through the thing's I had to give up and the life I had to settle for. We have always been good friends and had great times before and after the accident.

We would go to clubs and I would drink and have a ball with my friends and she would go out with her friends. It has always been that way and to this day I will go drinking with my boss at our local "tree house" that we call our second home otherwise known as AustinAvenue.

I would go out and the wife would meet up with her friends and go to the movies or take her friend Jenn to Joe's Crab shack to go drool over some guy named Jeremy who works there. I have went with my wife to Joe's and met Jeremy who is cool with me and the wife has met with me and my boss and a fellow co-worker at Austin Avenue.

I sometimes pack my computer up and head over to my friend’s madman’s to play on his cable and try to catch up with my team and get some good BF2 action going on. I usually don't get home till 7am on some days....  :sc:


I guess what I am trying to say without rambling is that we have a perfectly normal marriage lifestyle in which if I did want to go out and get sloshed, almost get arrested, wake up lying naked in front of Home Depot on one of their weekly sale hammocks...

Then I can plan that for next weekend!  

[TaLoN]

wellI have to agree on most of the statements you made there mono, Just to reiterate my original statement, Im a happy camper at home, with absoulty no problems between us at all.  I talk some crap sometimes for comedic purposes but i am completely happy.   The reason I say I have no soial Life without her is that I realized that because we are best friends as well as husband and wife we spend every bit of time besides work together.  So when we go out we go out with couples type of friends or coworkers.  I used to hang with a large crowd of guys back home before I met her but even before I met her I was getting tired of the same ol hang out get drunk hunt wemon game.  

Long story short I didnt mean that i wanted any time away from her, Just that shes on a road trip for work and I now rember what it felt like before I met her, it was lonley (even with 20+ friends to hang with).

[MONOLITH]

Hey, slightly off topic, but seeing as what you do for a living, do you work from home on your own computer or do you have to go to an office where a bunch of devs sit in front of computers anyway?

[TaLoN]

in the office, they wouldnt trust me , hell they even cut off messenger in the office due to virus'sand back doors. But yea its  a huge building with like 200 people workin.